My struggle...

I don't know if I should be blogging this but if indeed this is a place where we honestly talk about what we struggle with, then, I figure, why not...

I have a problem (sounds like an AA meeting..."Hi, my name is Wendy and I have a problem..." LOL) with wanting to provide for people's needs... I have known it for a long time and have struggled with it for years. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I believe it's an integral part of who I am - a provider. I was for my girls when they were growing up - maybe sometimes to their frustration and/or detriment, I don't know (I hope not). And I still am. When I see a need, I want to provide for that need. When I see a problem, I want to fix it. If it's financial, I want to provide the finanaces. It's so hard for me not to be able to do that. No, I mean - it's really hard! KB and I jokingly talked about it one day after church. The pastor had been talking about Moses, and others, to whom God basically asked, "What you have in your hand? What do you have that you can give Me?", and how God took ordinary things that people had and used them to do mighty things. At that time, I thought to myself, "What do I have in my hand that He can use?" and the thought (not sure it had divine origin) came to me - my credit card! LOL!

But seriously, I'm struggling with giving people's needs up to God and letting Him answer them - and maybe not necessarily through me. I need to let the words, "I can't afford it" form on my lips and be said out loud. The Lord has richly blessed us - especially in the last five years (due to my job) - and I think that makes it harder, in a way. But years of being a single-income family (when, trust me, I was certainly able to say, many times, that we couldn't afford something...) have brought us to a point where I need to work on debt-reduction. But, when I hear myself thinking, "I can't afford it..." I think again, "What? With the job I have? " LOL. Feels like I'm being tugged in both directions, doesn't it?

Bottom line? Don't know if there is one.... I just know that I want desperately (and sometimes, feel that it's more a need than a want) to provide for those around me - especially my kids and grandkids...